I promise to play nice....nah fuck that, no I don't. But I won't lie to you. I think I do understand you and that's what scares the shit out me. I wasn't always like this...or was I? Now, I'm lost. Lost in myself...but who am I? Do you know who you are? What the fuck do I want from you? Do you want something from me? Give, give, give, I give it all to everyone. But, is it only what I allow them to take that I give? Of course, this is such a dangerous game to play but I feel I am worthy. Maybe I am the only one who is worthy.....Nonsense. There are others out there much better than you or I. You lie to everyone. I hate liars. But sometimes lies are necessary, aren't they? Or is that what we tell ourselves so that we won't feel bad for lying. You know what they say about liars......something about our pants catching on fire. If you believe that sort of thing, what do you believe in? It must make sense to someone....life. Death. Death, THE FUCKING END! There must, there has to be some kind of pattern, some logical, mathematical explanation for everything. Right? Bullfuckingshit.....but that doesn't stop me from trying to make it all add up. Ha! Laugh all you want..but do you have it all figured out? You might think you do...good luck with that. You will wake up tomorrow and you will fuck something up again, just like you always do. Damnit...you must stop that. Some things can't be helped, I see. I see exactly what you want me to see and everything you don't. I see things you haven't even seen yet and it's frightening. Only for me, not for you. I can't warn you, you won't let me. Do you want to die? I don't want you to die. That's selfish of me.....Yes. Selfish. See, what you made me do? Now I care and now I feel invested. Stupid Girl, stop wasting your time. Invest in your own life. My life? What the fuck......I don't want to talk about me, I want to talk about YOU. This isn't about me at all.......Or is it?
Clever......You're much smarter than I realized.
P.S. Thank you.
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2 comments:
Hmm...I'm not sure where I am, but this is interesting to read nonetheless.
I really like this post. You've expressed some of the things I've been thinking about lately, but you wrote it much more truthfully than I ever could have.
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