Sorry it seems as if some in here love nothing more than to keep beating a dead horse. Poor thing looks like one big bloody mess. The past? Well, all roads have lead us to right where we are at this moment. And this moment, right now, is all that matters. The past might have got you here and you might worry about tomorrow but you should focus on today. I should take my own advice...really I should. I would not condemn you. It's not my place to judge. We're all one step, one catastrophe, one death, one drink, one heartache, or one love away from being each other.
That's all I have for you right now. Now, come find me. It will be so much fun. I dare you.
p.s. it's not that tragic.
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17 comments:
(((We're all one step, one catastrophe, one death, one drink, one heartache, or one love away from being each other.)))
hi,sdock10
i like this,so closely connected we all are.
`sc
Very good points in your last post to Mayo. I know there a few of us on the blog who try so hard get through to him, and hope something works. I call it my Pudding-To-The-Wall theory. I used it when I was a nanny. You throw the lessons at them that you want them to learn, and what doesn't stick you scrape it up off the floor and try again. Eventually, it will all stick.
We all do feel connected, and I know what keeps us all believing in Gerard. He's a good person with a kind heart and soul. Just right now it's buried under so much junk.
As always, we enjoyed your posts, they are always insightful and makes people think. And J. says thank you for your kind words on her last blog. :)
Keep the Faith.
Love,
L.
If I post, is that equivalent to being like, tag you're it! And by default, finding you?
For the sheer bliss of the moment, I'm going to poke you again.
SDock10,
Whatever physical form you carry in this lifetime, know that emotionally, spiritually, I'm going to potentially make an ass of myself and say I have felt and gone through much of what you have expressed these past two months.
Perhaps we were both drawn to Mr. Way for similar reasons.
You know just what to not come out and say to rub my riddle loving self the right way.
I hope it's not over prematurely. And I will never get sick of you. I would take you out for lunch if we were within 100 miles of each other.
Round, round, round it goes. We think we're in control till we look over the edge and realize if we don't want on the ride the only choice we have is falling into the abyss.
You all right, sdock? Whassup? ^_^
Seriously, if you want to talk, you know? Please do.
PJ,
Just questioning things...like what makes us do something when we know there is no purpose in it and no good can come from it. Then we lie about the reasons for doing it.
Or can motives ever be entirely pure? Aren't we always out to gain something from someone?
And can you have intimacy when you don't even know yourself? When you still purposely lie to yourself?
See, just an average day inside my head. Thanks to spin spin sugar Anon.......for fueling my fire.
Hey Kapunua,
I'm good. How are you? I'm just being my typical, over-analytical, deep thinking, questioning, cryptic, self loathing self. Pretty ordinary day in my head.
livejournal sucks when you have dialup....errrr!
Let's talk here, then. Like Frasier used to say, "I'm listening." ^_^ I like you, sdock10. Be okay.
Wait, what's that about "Spin Spin Sugar?" That's one of my favorite songs. ^_^ Sneaker Pimps FTW! Makes me wanna go out dancing.
Hey Kapunua,
Didn't you have a birthday? Sorry if I missed it. How are things going with you? I'm just playing in Mayo's blog. I should really dwell on my own self and my own blog......oh well, oh well. I'm busy trying to learn how to shut off my empathetic feelings. They tell me there is a way to do that...I hope they are right.
OH and I never answered your question from a previous blog..what is an sdock10? s is the initial to my first name, dock is part of my last name, and 10 is because I am a perfect 10 (NOT!)..10 is for my birthday. Not very clever I know. But hell I never thought we were going to be Nutbuster famous. If I did, I would have come up with a much cooler ID.
My birthday is Wednesday, the party was yesterday. Thank you!
Thank you for clearing up about your name! I even googled sdock10 and came up with some computer stuff I didn't understand.
I'll tell you something weird. When I posted the lyrics to "Decade Under The Influence," that was a reference back to that one post i made weeks ago, where I sort of "assigned" everyone onthe blogs (so few back then!) a specific song. That one was originally supposed to be your song, the lines, "Sad, small, sure in porcelain, you're skin and bones, I'm a nervous wreck..." etc. But I felt presumptuous at the last minute and decided not to write that. I'd had you pegged as this tiny, dark-haired little lady, full of issues and confusion. (Me, I'm an Amazon dark-haired lady full of issues and confusion.)
I also addressed you once in Hawaiian, as "kekoka'umi" which is transliteration for "sdock-ten." I told you to take care of your body and your heart, because you only got one of each. (Gave that same message to "Ihekoa" which is Gerard. I know. Laugh.)
There are ways to turn off, or at least lower the volume of your psychic acuity, your perception, your empathy. It's hard, and it involves some shutting down of yourself, too. God, that's such a fine line. Me too, I'm a vibe-sponge as well. I become other people, I try to "take on" when they're hurt or in trouble. I steal their laughter and joy to share it. If I spend a long enough time around someone, I take on their accent, their cadence, their mannerisms. Sometimes I like those people better than myself and it's fun to "be" them for a while. But it's only fun when it's fun. ^_^ If it's a miserable person, it's hard to shake off the lingering misery. I receive better than I give out, which is--to use a cliche--a double edged sword.
You can use visualization to "block out" emotional noise, but you end up blocking out a part of yourself, too. You have to walk that line sometimes, I guess.
One good thing to do is realize that there is a definite line between you and others, and even if you're feeling them out really hard, remind yourself logically that it really is separate; don't let them bleed into you. Especially if they are really negative. This is where cold, hard logic comes in. Use it like air freshener. ^_^
If you're letting them in because you have this self loathing, wow, I do the same thing. I have such a hatred for what I see in the mirror that I rarely look in one. I'll gladly walk out of the house without knowing what I look like. It's easier to pretend I'm a different person, someone I admire. Someone better. It's easier on the inside, too. I honestly haven't figured out how to quit that one yet, because I don't want to quit it. It gets me through the day sometimes.
I realize that is not very helpful to you and is tangential, but I do hope that you can get from it that you're not alone in that self loathing, and that "letting other people bleed into you" thing.
I hope this made some kind of sense! I'm sorry for rambling. Just: logic, space, breathing.
*HUGZ*
Yes, I'm puuting them everyweher so you can take as many as you need. :Þ
You know where to find me if you want to talk.
Kapunua,
Wow, how come you and I haven't talked more? I've really been missing out. Sorry, I can't get on your live journal. My connection is soooooo slow but maybe I will try at work tomorrow. Every thing you said makes perfect sense to me. I never thought I would meet so many people who are just like me. Especially what you said about taking on people's mannerisms and voice and personality and such. I think I tend to do that but had never realized that until now. I will really try to work on these things.
Thanks so much for sharing with me and I hope we get to talk more.
Love to you!
I'm glad I made some sense! :D What is it about that little diva bitch who used to be such a sincere young man that drew us all together onto that one specific blog? And more importantly, that left others out?
I hope we get to talk more, too. ^_^ We seem to have a lot of the same mental junk going on. Maybe we have some or the same good stuff, too.
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