I'm sitting here just like I always do. Here it is again. Sunday afternoon. Both comforted and terrified. It's exactly the same as it was last week and 40 Sundays before. Alone with myself. The person that I can stand the least is the only one who understands me. Suffocating. If I allow myself to become lost in my own thoughts, I might drown. Sometimes, I must confess, that is my fantasy. Not to drown and die, of course. Just to drown, drift away, and wake up in an underwater world. I would not really float. I could sit on the bottom and watch. But enough of that, here and now, I sit. Lost in words. Knowing this will never quite make sense and not really caring if it does. I just want something new to look at. Let's be honest. The other post was getting old and stale. I read my words too often and they lose their original meaning. It ends up just sounding silly. A pathetic attempt to make myself sound more interesting than I really am. I hope you realize as you are reading this, that 2 people are responsible for what ends up on this page. Me and her. Never quite sure who will speak the loudest or make the best case. I am only 2 hands that attempt to type fast enough to get the words out. Backspace and delete when they let me know that I'm not getting it right. I am a puppet and they pull my strings. I wish they would work together and get me the fuck out of here. Out of this chair. I sit crooked in front of this screen and it hurts my shoulder, but they are not finished. Not done. More to say. Don't they realize that it doesn't matter anyway. I sigh. They laugh. Not strong enough to fight the both of them off at once. Yet they are never separated.
Do you ever think? Think that everything is nothing but a big fucking pile of shit. Everything you thought you knew, thought you recognized, thought you believed in, thought was real, thought you could count on...........is nothing. It never existed. You created all this to get you through. To compensate. To get you by. To fool yourself. To not feel alone.
Silly girl.
Look around you.
Do you recognize anything or anyone at all?
What do you really know?
Who do you really know?
Do you even know yourselves?
Liar.
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Life is just a metaphor.
6 comments:
You got to see the video? Solly, thank you so much! ^_^
I do know how you feel, believe it or not. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with my selves. ^_~
I swear to god we need to hang out. :)
Aw thanks solly sweetie. I'd like to see you beat him up. You look after me babes and I love you for it.
I'm gonna be online tonight. Can't wait to see you.
♥ forever
Knowing this will never quite make sense and not really caring if it does
It does matter. And you do care. And if you do not, then you need to adjust. Subtle. One day at a time. (Ahhhh, hearing that damn song in my head!). But seriously sweetie, it can matter. It can be what you want. It just may different than what you expected.
I am a puppet and they pull my strings. I wish they would work together and get me the fuck out of here. Out of this chair. I sit crooked in front of this screen and it hurts my shoulder, but they are not finished. Not done. More to say. Don't they realize that it doesn't matter anyway. I sigh. They laugh. Not strong enough to fight the both of them off at once. Yet they are never separated.
Who is 'they?' You are in charge of this! (aside from politics of course)...
Not all of us are made to do 'great' things, but we are capable of making changes that enhance our lives. Money or no money, job or no job, ....
My dear friend, you have it in you. You do! You are strong!
You have given me, and so many here, so much...
yes this is just "blogbeieve" but your words inspire. I only hope that the advice you have given to our friend will somehow take hold of you.
You deserve it. Without a doubt. Take that shit and run!!! ('run' can mean a lot of different things).
Solly, we love you and admire you. Take that with you along your journey. I know you will.
♥ you so fucking much.
Anima
Damn that comment took forever!
Hiya SDock, I haven't visited your blog in a long, long time. I really enjoyed reading this post. I hope you're having a good week.
Take care,
Andrea
Solly I ♥ you. Just sayin'.
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