I am...
a lifetime of almosts
and unrealized potential
nothing of significance
and everything inconsequential
anxiety and worry
and everything you dread
a thousand empty promises
and all the words you should have said
a thief who wants to steal your secret to happiness
and keep it all for myself
that book you never bothered to read
gathering dust up on that shelf
a knot inside your stomach
and a nagging unraveling thread
the thoughts you try to bury
and all the voices inside your head
a perfectly folded paper airplane
ready to fly in the pouring rain
all the questions you never asked
and the things you can't explain
a ship without a captain
and rip right down the sails
a black cat across your path
and a penny that's on tails
cards, letters, and memories
that you've shoved in a box
the one who barges in
without ever bothering to knock
a grain of sand in your eye
and the taste of blood in your mouth
a barricade that stands in the way
between you and your only way out
the butterfly you had to touch
with bruised and broken wings
the monster under your bed
and 8 hours of sleep without dreams
the growling in your belly
and the itch you cannot scratch
the thirst that never gets quenched
and the knife twisting in your back
dry grass underneath your feet
and the flower that never blooms
the terrible awkward silence
in a crowded room
a trainwreck
a horrible natural disaster
and all the tiny details
you convinced yourself didn't matter
all the things you don't see
when you stop and stare
all the things you never tried
because you were too damned scared
the stain on your favorite shirt
that even bleach won't wash away
a summertime thunderstorm
when all you want is to go outside and play
a song without a chorus
a poem that will never rhyme
the ticking of the clock
when you're trying your hardest to stop time
a thousand shards of glass
lying on the floor
all the things you've left undone
and every unopened door
an outstretched hand
just waiting to be held
just the right person to buy
all the bullshit you're trying to sell
the tingle down your spine
and the warm breath on the back of your neck
all the lies you tell yourself
and the secrets you never kept
the hope that fills your soul
and the faith that brings you back
the sorrow that turns you blue
and every shade of black
a billion shining stars
that you can't see on a cloudy night
everything that is wrong
but somehow feels so right
a scarred and broken heart
just waiting to be loved
I'm everything and nothing
and all of the above
And you are??
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Life is just a metaphor.
29 comments:
Fuck.
Dude, you damn well better be proud of that one. You know what it reminds me of? It's the answer to what I posted at Mayo's the other night that you said you liked. That's what it reminds me of. I love this one.
So, whatchoo doin? Iz you all ready to go back to work now?
I bet you iz but you ain't!
You iz right, Solly, you iz very right!
I am, however, very ready to be receiving a regular paycheque again. Monies - huzzah!
that was fucking vrilliant solly dick!!!
wow and wee!
damn fine! did you really write that yourself?!
so very good!
*hugs* solly
catch you around!
and fuck! my fucking DVD and mask had better fucking arrive this week!!
♥
Wonderful writing, SDock. What do any of us see that others don't, and what do they see that we don't?
Thank you for your well-wishes at my blog. I have had so much support from BlogBelieve. I hope somewhere, sometime, and have and will continue to give it back to those who need it.
Love. Hope. Peace.
P.S. Southern sunsets and sunrises back to you as well.
That was amazing solly. You left one out. You are my rock.
On the subjct of Max the nicker smiffing pooch, Sdock sweetie, of course I snog him afterwards. he's not as good a snogger as you though.
SDock,
First let me say that I really like your poem. Something about the simple pattern that describes the complex person, it pulls you in and swallows you. Very good piece of writing.
Anyway, I read about your break-up with your dude, and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. It's never easy to go through, but I'm sure that a long-term relationship like yours makes it even harder.
Troubles or no, he was your other half for quite a while, and you've got some grieving to experience. I truly hope you can get through it with your dignity, your self-esteem, and your sense of humor intact.
Also, you could think of it this way: now you'll be able to find the person you were meant to be with. They're out there somewhere, looking for you too. You never know who it's going to be, so keep your eyes open. :)
I don't know if you'll see this comment from me and delete it, or tell me to fuck off, or whatever. Please know that everything I've said here is true. I am sorry for everything that's happened to put us on different sides, from the things I did to the things I didn't.
I hope you can put your sadness behind you and find someone who deserves your trust and your love. Take care.
hey solly, i love yur poem.
I hope everything goes ok, ya know hun and i am on the phone when ever. can i also ask cos i am a wee bit slow on the up take on some things and pretty accurate and other certain miss haps, are their sides? and if so, which one am i on cos i think someone forgot to post the memo unless i skimmed it cos it was under the name 'anon'. sorry, just a wee bit confused, that is all :)
love ya hun, speak to you at the beach.
Solly, you are much too gorgeous for this whole scene. You are young and you have everything to offer someone who actually appreciates it. It's like getting a tumor taken out! The surgery itself hurts for a while but then finally, one day you realize you're free of it and even if you have a scar, it doesn't hurt so much anymore.
Also, this is a fantastic poem. You should post it up at Mayo's where everyone could see it.
I loaded that picture just to flip it off.
Spread your wings, girl. You can do it. You'll see.
Fuck.
I miss you tons. I just want to squeeze the guts right out of you!! I miss you to the edge of the universe and back times infinity.
xoxo;
- 007
Hiya Sdock,
so I know we haven't talked much, different time zones and all -but I just wanted to say, thank you for your words to me the other night. I was still lurking after my little outburst and as stupid as it sounds, you made me feel better. And it's rather just logical isn't it? That everyone will feel completely misunderstood at times. So I just wanted to say thank you for that, and the invitation to chat sometime -goes right back at you. I am sorry about what happened with your relationship today. All I can say is: the guy is an ass, and apparently a stupid one. You've always seemed wonderful to me. So fuck him!! (Or run him over -whichever you prefer! I'll help. I'm good that way.) :) And don't give up, I think there is someone out there for all of us, it's the journey to find them that is most trying. I hope you feel better soon, and thank you for making me feel better. Love to you Sdock, l/d
Oh p.s., you're poem was incredible. Your words were so easy to relate too. Again, you don't deserve to be treated so badly. He is the one that is unworthy of YOU. <3
Hey, solly. I'm sorry to hear that you're in a hard time right now. But you're very strong and beautiful so I know you'll come out of this probably stronger.
It didn't sound like the best situation anyways, so it will just be uphill from now on.
Take care of yourself, girlie.
I heard that song a few months ago. I don't even know how I happened upon it, but, like you said it did to you, it hit me in the gut as well. I found it on YouTube, and I probably should have just stuck to reading the lyrics. The video along with the music totally kicked my ass.
Anyway, to answer your question, it's not silly. There are billions and billions of people out there doing the same thing you're doing, the same thing I'm doing, the same thing a lot of us are doing. They're all searching.
Half the time, we want what we're searching for to fall into our laps. The other half is divided. Part of us is able to wake up one day and say, "Today is the day. I will conquer the world. I will find it." Then the other part says, "Fuck it."
It's when they all come together to form some wretched combination that we all get turned around.
I know right now is a really, really hard time for you, and I'm sure some days will be worse than others. Nights are always the hardest no matter the situation. I can't provide you with it, nor can anyone else here do it for you. You're going to have to (if you haven't already) find it within yourself.
And though you think it's easier said than done, I've done it. I've been there albeit a completely different situation. I had to completely let go of the outside world and take a really fucking hard look inside to see what was going on. It's taken me years, and I'm still working on it. It is harder to find all of that stuff, whatever it is, on your insides, but in the long-run, I think it will be better for us.
You hear music when all anyone else hears is static. You are someone who really, truly listens.
This is the greatest compliment I have ever and will ever receive. You have absolutely no idea how much this means to me.
I am ...
... speechless.
You amaze me.
Thank you so much for my birthday wishes, they are much appreciated :)
hi there!
i've been wanting to come by the past few days, but with my limited time on the computer (any my way-too-easily-distracted-brain), it's taken me a bit.
but i wanted to thank you, sdock. everyone has been so generous and supportive while i was freaking out over my mystery lump. all the comments really made a difference.
your's did, that for sure. every day, there you were, reminding me i wasn't alone, reminding me i had people worrying about me. every day, no matter how scared i was, i was able to smile because you would remind me of all that.
thank you. ♥
remember who you are sdock. you're hurting now, but beneath the pain, you are greater than this. this is your open door.
time to fly free. :)
see you on the blog!
hey there, saw you over at the castle (while i was "dozing" *hee*).
sdock, hang in there. i know it doesn't seem like it from where you are right now, but one day in the near future, you're going to to wake up and realize you feel better, and have been feeling better for a little while.
you won't see it coming, but it happens. trust me, and keep going forward (even if the scenery doesn't look like it's changing).
keeping you in my thoughts.
*hug*
SDock,
Thank you for the things you said last night. I guess we all feel lost right now.
Everything will be alright, just have faith in yourself and your family and friends.
Take care,
L.
Spending lunch in the library because it was easier than eating alone. Wondering if today was going to be the day that someone would finally talk to me. And then when they did, it was, "Can I copy your homework?" Being pointed at and laughed at. Hearing the whispers when people thought I couldn't. Never wondering if the cute guy was gonna ask you out, because you already knew that was never gonna happen. Just praying for the day to be over.
Every time this happens, I end up laughing at the situation, because it's just one of those oddball things.
I still deal with all of that stuff. I still wonder if it will ever change or if this is just as good as it will ever be.
And it makes it all the more worse that no one gets it, they don't understand. Characters understand, but no one you know does.
So you're forced to deal with those things, those thoughts, the things you've convinced yourself of the best way you know -- on your own.
It's my biggest fear, always being like this.
See you later.
Yours rock harder.
thank you for what you wrote at my blog. i just read it now and it totally warmed my heart. :)
but sdock, a broken heart isn't a silly thing. and the way you feel about it is as real as anything else any of us have gone through. be gentle with yourself right now, as gentle as if you've been bruised and battered physically.
you will heal, and i know i'm not the only one telling you this. so when you can't see how it's possible, just listen to your friends, and trust that they're right. lean on them to get you through.
and then one day you'll be out the other side, and you'll stand up straight and tall. i promise you this.
be well. look for the beauty in the little things all around you. :)
Hi Solly!
I've missed you as well. What has been happening in your life? What's going on down South? What have you been thinking about?
Love,
Katherine
LOL solly, who'd have thunk pizza hut eh?
Glad you like the pics sweetie.
xxxxxx
I'll be back!
Miss you guys.
I hope you're doing okay.
Hiya Sdock,
I just wanted to say -I think you are lucky to have a mind that works and see's both ways. I see only my way, or my opinion, and that is never a good thing either!! I wish you so well Sdock. You deserve so much better than what you have been put through. I just wanted to say that to you. I don't think you've heard it enough.
-Loves
S,
You have stood steadfast and strong throughout and at times I have felt your pain with you to such a degree that it physically hurt my heart.
It warms me to know that we have been some consolation to you. Remember to hold the good times in your memories though.
Your journey starts now Solly. This is just the beginning.
A x
Thank you. I am okay.
hey there stranger!
How are you doing? I've been thinking of you lately and hoping that you are doing ok.
I love this post.
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