Something silly that stupidly stuck.
You know how you try really hard to wash shit away. Take, for instance, a very nice long, scalding hot, bubble bath. Oh, it's soothing, oh how it's cleansing, but when you get out of the tub, you're left with a dull nasty ass ring. Hmmm, unpleasant, but you'll get to that on Saturday. So, another night, another bath and so on and so forth. You get "cleaner", but the tub gets nastier, right? Okay, so by Saturday it's so freakin' fucking filthy that you have to clean it or you might as well go head first into the point of no return, a tub so disgusting that no industrial strength cleaner would do the job. Might as well just buy a new tub, but you're not quite to that point, yet, so, on your hands and knees and because you're arms are just a touch too short you climb in the tub to do the scrubbing. You try all sorts of new kick-ass cleaning products. You're a sucker for anything. The layers are so thick you can scrape it off with a knife. You do a reasonable job. The tub is now clean and safe for bathing again.
Until next weekend, when you'll be on your hands and knees doing the same shit with the same fucking sponge inhaling the same stupid chemicals.
It's funny, or maybe it isn't and maybe I'm just crazy or different or maybe I think way to much and draw a relation and a correlation where there is none, but I think that tub is a lot like me. See, the same thing happens, night after night, day after day. I scrub. I wash. I use all the newest prettiest smelling supposed to be the cleanest gettingest soap you can buy, but no matter what, I am always dirty.
Right now, there's a layer on me that I can scrape away, but there's another layer that I'm never able to get to.
It won't stop me from trying though.
How about you?
Are you scared of what you might find underneath?
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Life is just a metaphor.
19 comments:
hey solly!
i love this post. it makes me think, but your words often do.
i think most of us have a layer or two of dirt clinging to us, from past experiences, actions and fuck ups. but i think in some ways can that be OK?
maybe? maybe not?
i will tell you though that cleaning products make me wheeze like a meffer, but 20 cigarettes doesn't. weird really?
love ya solly dick!
♥
I so hear you it's not even funny!
I'm glad you saw my post before I deleted it. It's something I'm willing to share with friends, but when it got out there, I felt way too naked. Mayos isn't what it used to be and there was a vulerability I wasn't too keen on after I hit "publish."
As for your post, it's fabulous that you recognize that you have layers and not all of them are pretty. Not everybody in this world is in tune with that fact. Many others may realize they have layers but are way too fucked up to even realize how damaged they are, they think they've done the "work" to scrub it up and in reality they've done nothing but cover it up with some Lysol and a tubmat.
My last year or so I've been digging up my layers that are harder to reach. They are ugly, stubborn, and worst of all, stained into my psyche. I will forever be tainted by these layers.
Not my plan in life, but hey, shit happens.
Hang in there. Us dirty girls can support one another.
xoxoxxo
That like was too funny! "Dirty Girls" playing at my desk, the co-workers were wondering who was strangling a cat to a beat.
That was wonderful.
Thanks for making me smile today.
"like" would really be "link"
My blood sugar is low. I'm sure of it. :)
Solly sweetie, while I am getting my tah tahs fumbled with, I shall be thinking of you with a smile hahahaha!
I miss you more than pizza.
xxxxx
*hands Solly a tissue for her tears*
I meant it sweetie.
xxxxx
Yes, it "used" to be. And that makes me sad.
I understand about DM. Truly I do. I hope you don't mind if I stop by here occasionally to say "Yo, s'up?!"
xoxox
I'm so glad that I have somebody to hang out on the limb with me.
Half the time I think (or feel) that I'm babbling into the wind. Not getting much done but frustrating myself with my own thoughts.
Meh. I still with I could rub the journal on my head and have the words appear magically. I don't write as fast as I think and sometimes I'm pretty sure I miss brilliant points I had just a moment ago. :)
I miss you crazy girl xxxxxx
I wuv you solly ♥
miss you too babe!
hope you and your sis are doing OK?
it all feels kinda weird and sad.
♥ biggy time!
mutha fuck!
♥'s biggy time!
hmmmm, not an original typo for me!!
*hugz* Thanks for the visit, Solly - and for being my friend in general.
It's just hard to know that I've become a virtual non-entity in BlogBelieve... and I read about you guys getting together and having a ball, and other BB'ers sending each other stuff through the mail, and I just feel so damned disconnected, y'know? And then my brain starts churning, and telling me that maybe if I was around more, I could have been included in some of the friendship. Meh - I'll quit whining now. Sometimes, I can't even read my own words without wanting to spew.
Anyways, hope you & Smoke are doing good. ♥ to you both, always!
I wuv you even more solly ♥ ♥ ♥
xxxx
*pokes Solly back*
I is woke ^_^
I hope you have a lovely day!
hey solly!
i have read your post at the treehouse, but i haven't put it into action yet! i keep forgetting! but it sounds like a fab thing to do!
hope you are doing good?
miss ya.
♥'s a plenty!
Hiya solly sweetie,
It's sooooo sweet. He might be making a visit to our house tomorrow. Can't wait.
You can't wuv more then infinity. But I still wuv you more hahaha!
xxxx
Solly, I love you and I miss you so much. Everyday I think about all of you. I can't help it!
I hope you are doing okay. I am here; you can call me anytime. To talk about whatever.
Take care sweetie,
Anima
Did I miss your birthday? I think I did! Or maybe I dreamt it?! I can never be sure these days. ^_^
Missing you so much.
♥
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