Why am I so hard to love?
What is it that's so wrong with me?
Haven't I loved you good enough?
Am I just too stupid and ugly?
Why is it so easy to hurt me?
Does my standing still make me an easy target?
Do you see things in me you wish you could be?
When you're done using me, can I have my heart back?
Do you think I am strong enough to walk away?
Are your arms tired and weak from pushing me so hard?
Is it brave of me to stay and fight another day?
Will you have regrets when you've pushed me too far?
Have you even bothered to notice that I no longer cry?
Does it anger you when I throw your words back in your face?
Is it worrying you at all that you have let my love for you die?
Was it really true that you never loved me in the first place?
Are you sad for me that I have wasted so much time?
Are you shocked to see the new person you have helped create?
Was it really that far fetched or really such a crime
to try and save someone who couldn't be saved?
p.s. Will I ever find something new to write about?
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12 comments:
Sdock,
You definitely aren't hard to love, that's for sure. Maybe he just doesn't see what others see, you know? Maybe he's taken for granted all the times you've been there for him and all the times you've loved him unconditionally.
From what you and your sister have said, he doesn't deserve someone like you. He seems cold. You need someone that will be there for you and not hurt you in the process.
It may be a hard move, moving on, but you don't deserve the treatment you're getting. Don't stay because you feel like you have to. Sdock, he seems like he doesn't even care, and you don't need someone like that. You need someone that's going to help you and make you feel good about yourself and love you from here to stars. Not someone who says bad things, and tells you he's never loved you in the first place.
If he doesn't care, maybe you can find it in yourself to not care either. You can't keep giving and giving and see nothing in return. From what I've gathered, relationships don't work that way.
Be strong right now. Maybe you'll be able to figure it out soon. But don't feel trapped. You've got numerous escape routes. Use them when you get ready.
Do you see things in me you wish you could be?
That's exactly what his effin' problem is. He could never be like that. He is the coldest person I have ever known. I don't know why he's like that either. I mean, mine is pretty damn selfish sometimes but he's not cold. He worries about how other people feel whether he likes to admit it or not, ya know?
Just remember, life is short. Six years is long enough.....
You know what you need to do.
Sdock, you may think I'm strong, but I find that I'm only strong for other people. I don't know how that works, but maybe it's because I'd rather help others than help myself. Maybe I can be strong for them.
I think we're all growing. At least it feels like it. Thank you :)
Anonymous,
You must think I'm pretty pathetic, right? Or I at least like the punishment?
I looked out my front door today and it was pouring down rain and do you know what I did?????
I thought about you.
Have you forgotten about me yet?
Well, if we believe in karma, maybe all the good we've done, and the help we've given to others will finally find its way back around to us. Then maybe we can be happy.
Maybe we'll get our chance someday.
sdock10 said...
p.s. Will I ever find something new to write about?
Yes..when you finish writing this novel.
Happy New Year to you, my friend.
much love
`sc
I miss you, Sdock.
S&M20 is right. Life is too short to waste time on someone who does not deserve you. I understand leaving is easier said than done though.
So many doubts in yourself.
But you are a spectactular woman whose gifts have not been fully realized and when they are, no one will be able to hold you back.
Here's to us Sdock.
Let's make 2008 rock!
I heart you, too. :)
Sdock, I love you so much.
Make 2008 better, make those changes that you know you should because you deserve so much happiness.
I want you to be happy.
*leaves bra for sdock*
Anon,
I hope you had a most excellent but totally safe New Year.
Thank you for your words.
They mean so much since I never get to talk to you anymore.*
Saying and believing I can are 2 totally different things. Here's to hoping that 2008 will make me see I can.
Love,
S
*p.s. But I do think of what you might say.
Sdock sweetheart, I have missed you.
You are so beautiful and you deserve to have the very best. Please do not let this relationship take you down. Find a way to make a change. Lean on your family and friends to carry you through when you feel like you can't carry yourself.
We all care about you so much. When ever you are ready to make the change, we will be here for you.
Love to you,
Shannon
*tugs rope*
Hello! I found yoooouuuuu!!!
Sdock, you rock me effin' face right off.
Being in the dark isn't so bad. I don't think, anyway. I find that it's the perfect time to find out more shit about myself. Good or bad, I never know until I turn the lights off.
But, as for what went on today, I sent you an email that you can choose to read or not.
I'm also pretty pissed at the Anon at Mayo's for slagging you off like they did. Don't listen to a fucking word okay? We're all in the same boat, and we're all trying to find something here. Don't let them destroy our journey.
Don't let them destroy our walk.
I'm coming back, so don't worry your pretty little head.
Love.
Mustard
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